More Than Lust
by BAYBAY841
Summary: Why did the Spaniard always hope for the impossible? That Romano would come to him one day, confessing his feelings, and they would make LOVE? That they would cry out each others names, he could hold the Italian, wake up the next morning, and he would still be there?
1. Chapter 1

**More than Lust**

Disclaimer: …yeah…..

So Fanfiction deciding to delete rated M stories is just so… straight. I am pissed. They better not delete any of my stories or I will flip a table! D: Plus we're suppose to be able to unleash our creativity here! They can't just delete our stories! It's not fair!

Ahem… anyways, sorry for the short rant.

Oh hey, by the way, today is my birthday! July 19! :D I am 18 now and officially old enough to actually be writing this stuff XD

Haha, enjoy!

XxXxX

Yelling could be heard even in the halls leading to the conference room. As usual. Countries were arguing over insignificant issues, mainly past conflicts that lead the countries arguing to hate each other. England and France for example. Those two always argued during meetings, Greece slept, America laughed obnoxiously and began his hero rant, Russia scared the hell out of everybody (mainly the trembling trio), and Germany was quickly losing patience and preparing himself to yell to get everyone's attention back on matters at hand. Which of course would cause everyone to quiet down, but the pressure in the room was so great that one little comment sent it spiraling back into chaos.

This is how it always was.

But Spain wasn't paying attention to any of this.

He was waiting patiently.

Not for the meeting, oh no. He was waiting for the text message. The text message that he got every time he went to a world conference. The only thing he ever looked forward to. Green eyes looked across the table and met the intense amber gaze.

Any second now…

_Bzzzt_

Spain felt his phone vibrate in his pocket, he pulled it out and unlocked it to read the text message from the Half Country across the table.

**Your room. 5 minutes after meeting.**

Blunt. To the point.

This is how it always was.

It would be great to say that Spain and Romano had a relationship, or even a secret relationship. But it wasn't even that. It was just relations. Or in other words, a purely sexual relationship. Spain didn't even remember how it began, but it's been going on a very long time. No words had ever been exchanged. It had always been an unspoken agreement.

It hurt. But Spain would rather have this, than nothing. He knew it would have to end at some point though. No matter how much they both ignored it, it wasn't healthy. Romano didn't love Spain. But Spain, he had always loved the Southern Italian. It was a disaster waiting to happen. Spain was bound to cry out Romano's name at some point. It hadn't happened yet but he always had to stop himself last minute from doing it.

Every. Time.

"EVERYONE SHUT UP!" And there goes Germany. A little too late though, the German nation seem to realize this. "Damn… it appears we're all out of time. The date for next month's meeting will be emailed to your bosses in about a week."

"Whoo! Finally! Iggy lets go get McDonalds!" America shouted happily as all the countries began getting up to leave.

It was time.

He had 5 minutes to get mentally prepared. He had already cleaned up his hotel room this morning. They had a system, although it was always Spain's room (So Romano could leave once they were finished without any trouble). Spain got up quickly, rushing past his friends Prussia and France who attempted to invite him to go drinking with them. Usually he would love to, but this was Romano Time. And nothing disturbed Romano Time.

XxXxX

3 minutes later he reached his hotel room. He reapplied deodorant, brushed his teeth and hair, checked his face, and began pacing.

Don't say Romano's name.

Don't look into his eyes.

Try to contain your need to hold him afterwards.

He reviewed that in his head a couple more times before he heard a knock at his door.

Oh fuck. Fuck fuck fuck.

His heart beat quickened as he walked to his door. He looked to the peep hole and confirmed it was indeed Romano. Spain opened the door to let the Italian inside, putting on his poker face. He was ready.

No words were exchanged as Romano pulled Spain down to his height and slammed his mouth against the Spaniards, closing the door. Said Spaniard took this time to pick Romano up and slam him against the closed door. The Italian took the initiative to wrap his legs around Spain's waist. The pair began grinding against each other, both holding back moans. Spain shoved his tongue past the Italian's lips and began exploring his mouth. Romano carded his fingers through the Spaniards hair as Antonio began carrying him over to his bed. Spain unceremoniously dropped the Italian on the bed and began attacking his neck before the other could complain. Once Spain reached his collar bone he began unbuttoning Romano's shirt, kissing every new patch of uncovered skin.

"H-Hurry up, damn bastard…" the Italian hissed.

Well, Spain wasn't one to deny the Italian.

He stripped Romano of his shirt while the younger began to unbutton his. Spain tweaked the younger's nipples earning him gasps and moans in pleasure. The Spaniard took one of the nipples into his mouth nipping at it while his hands were busy unzipping the Italian's pants. Romano slipped his shirt off the rest of the way then did the same to Spain's.

XxXxX

Romano cried out as Spain thrusted into him. Spain gasped at the tightness around him. It had been a month since they had last done this. Since they had anything to do with each other. Spain pulled almost completely out and quickly thrusted back in. Romano gripped the sheets beneath him as Spain got a rhythm going. The Italian threw his head back moaning, Spain took this opportunity to begin kissing his neck. Hoping he could 'accidentally' leave a mark. Romano cried out as Spain slammed into him.

"Heh, you like that?" Spain panted out, grinning. Romano answered by squeezing Spain's member in turn causing the older to groan. The Spaniard briefly wondered if the whole floor could hear them. Probably. He hoped so.

Antonio was met with either a yelp or a moan every time he slammed into his bedmate. Romano thrusted up to meet Antonio's hips. Their actions began to speed up. Antonio could faintly hear the banging of the headboard meeting the wall with each thrust. He groaned in ecstasy. He was on cloud nine. The only thing that would make this better is if Romano actually loved him and wasn't just using him out of boredom or pleasure. You would think since Spain was the oldest he would have more control over this. But, despite the many partners and meaningless flings he had before Romano, he still found himself completely and utterly whipped by the boy he was sure was a virgin the first time they had sex. Romano had Spain wrapped around his finger and he didn't even know it. Scratch that. He probably did. That's how he knew Spain was a sure thing when Romano wasn't able to sleep with anyone else.

"A-Ah!" A cry broke Spain from his thoughts. He looked down to see the most erotic sight in his life. Romano was about to cum.

'_Please say my name…'_

"A-!"

'_Please…'_

"A-Ahn!" Spain shouldn't have felt disappointment.

This is how it always was.

Romano subconsciously tightened from the release, causing Spain to cum with a groan. Why would he expect Romano to say his name..? When had Romano EVER said Spain's name? Why did the Spaniard always hope for the impossible? That Romano would come to him one day, confessing his feelings, and they would make LOVE? That they would cry out each others names, he could hold the Italian, wake up the next morning, and he would still be there?

"Get off me, bastard…" a voice grumbled. It was then he realized he had collapsed onto Romano. He murmured an apology and got off of the Italian. Romano scoffed as a reply, turning his back to Spain and began to drift to sleep.

Maybe if Spain was lucky, he could wait for Romano to be deep enough in sleep and the Spaniard could hold him…

No such luck.

XxXxX

Spain, still half asleep, reached to the other side of the bed trying to find his bedmate. Only to feel nothing but cold sheets. He opened his eyes and cursed himself for falling asleep. The Italian was gone. He probably left right after Spain fell asleep. He had a knack for doing that. The Spaniard frowned, but got up nonetheless to start making coffee. Alone.

This is how it always was.


	2. Chapter 2

Whoo chapter two! Let's go!

And I have entered the Toby the Turtle challenge!

XxXxX

Romano has other lovers.

That's why he never cries out a name when he climaxes. So it doesn't get awkward. But Spain doesn't understand why Romano even tries to soften the blow of thinking about someone else during sex. It's not like knowing the truth but not having the Italian acknowledge it makes everything better. In reality, it just made things so much worse. Antonio began thinking about how much longer it would even last. This… strange habit they had developed could and probably would end very soon.

'_Lo-Romano seems even more detached than when we had first started this…' _Spain thought as he walked into the lobby of the hotel they were staying at. His best friends France and Prussia had texted him that morning wanting to hang out. He looked over and saw them waiting at the front desk. Apparently in a heated, hushed argument. Prussia was the first to notice the Spaniard and proceeded to elbow the Frenchmen.

"Don't you elbow me-!" He looked up as well, surprised at first but quickly changed to a worried expression. Prussia was quite the opposite. Choosing to look angry. What were they arguing about?

"Antonio… How are you-?"

"Don't beat around the bush Francis! We heard you Spain. Again. Mein Gott! How many times are you going to let Romano do this to you?" Prussia demanded. Spain was taken back by his friend's bluntness. But he understood now. His friends were arguing about him. Why was he not surprised? They had this conversation every time this happened.

"I don't know what you're talking about-"

"You know damn well what we're talking about." Prussia counters.

"I… I don't see why you're so upset… Francis uses people all the time…"

"Oui, but there is a mutual agreement between me and my partners that we are not in love with each other." France reminded him.

"Th-There's a mutual agreement between me and Roma-!"

"Oh please, don't even give us that bull shit!" Prussia shot back.

"You're only hurting yourself even more by letting this continue, Antoine." France said.

"Ja!" Prussia agreed.

"I'm glad that you two try and watch my back, but you just don't understand…" Spain muttered, looking away. He wondered what Romano was doing, where he was… who he was with…

"Antoine, this isn't healthy and you know it…" Francis said, putting his hand on Spain's shoulder. Oh, Antonio knew it wasn't healthy, constantly worrying what Romano was thinking, when he was going to end it, who else he was doing this with, it was making Spain sick. Sometimes keeping him up the night after.

Maybe he should end it…

Like he could ever do that.

"Um, guys, I'm still kinda tired… I think I need a nap. We'll talk later." He said, turning around and walking off quickly before either could protest.

"That idiot…" Prussia muttered.

"L'amour can be so cruel…" France frowned.

XxXxX

As Spain walked back to his room he heard yelling coming from one of the rooms down the hall. It sounded like it was coming from Romano's room. He was sharing it with his brother, so yelling was normal. What wasn't normal was the fact that it wasn't Romano who was doing the yelling. Spain didn't think he's ever heard Veneziano yell.

He tried listening to see what he was yelling about but it was all in Italian. Spain could only pretend to understand when Romano spoke the language so it was fruitless. Spain unlocked his door and decided to get some rest. There was going to be a meeting tomorrow and he would need his sleep to be able to deal with the chaos that never failed to ensue.

Spain collapsed onto his bed, kicking off his shoes, and drifted off to sleep. He had a lovely dream. England and Turkey BOTH got abolished as nations. It began raining tomatoes and churros, turtles were everywhere: including his favorite pet turtle Toby, and best of all: Romano confessed his undying love for the Spaniard, as said man sweeped the Italian off his feet.

What a childish dream.

It was wonderful.

A great escape from reality where none of this had or ever would happen. Spain, even in his sleep, could tell this was only a dream. It was bitter sweet. Sure he could live with out tomatoes and churros falling from the sky, and sadly England and Turkey would probably still be countries for a very, very long time. But Spain would never have the chance to sweep Romano off his feet as if he was his bride. He tried not to think about it, but at a world meeting where Romano was just down the hall, it was impossible not to. He really needed a distraction. Hanging out with Prussia and France sounded great right now, but all they would talk about is Romano and his lack of relationship. This was depressing. Even though he never showed it, he could get sad very easily. This underlying sadness only came out when he was alone, or venting to his best friends.

Maybe they were right… maybe he needed to move on…

_Knock knock_

Spain looked up from… whatever he was doing. It looked like he was just picking at the strings of his shirt while in thought. How long had he been doing that? He got up from sitting on the edge of the bed to see who was at the door. Even after taking a trip to the lobby and back he was still slightly groggy from the nap. It was understandable. He never understood how a nap made you even more tired than before. But the grogginess he felt was wiped away completely when he saw who was at the door. Romano. Red dusted the Southern Italian's cheeks, his eyes looked slightly watery, and he had the most adorable pout on his face.

There was no way in hell Spain could ever move on.

"Romano…? What's going on? Are you okay?" Romano and Spain only slept together once when all the countries got together for a meeting. Spain never understood why that was. Maybe once was enough for Romano, or maybe it gave him more time to sleep with his other partners. The thought of that hurt and angered the Spaniard. During all this Romano still hadn't said anything. He still stood there silently, avoiding eye contact.

"Romano-?"

"Are you going to let me in?" Romano finally looked at him with an annoyed scowl on his face. Spain shouldn't. He should just say no and send Romano away.

But he didn't.

He moved out of the way and gestured Romano to come in. The Southern Italian walked past him and sat on the edge of the bed, taking the chance to truly look at the room since he didn't take the time to last night, which didn't make sense because all the hotel rooms look the same. Though he was probably just trying to find something else to look at besides the Spaniard in front of him.

Spain just stared at him, bewildered. Why was he here? He and Spain never really talked anymore. Ever since that one night… now the only time they had anything to do with each other would be when they had sex. How long has it been since they've had a simple conversation…? He missed Romano.

"What's going on?" Spain asked. Again Romano avoided contact with his former charge, thinking.

"My brother was pissing me off." the Italian answered simply. So Romano left to blow off steam. That also meant Spain was the first person he went to. Did that mean he was important to Romano? Or at least more important than the others?

"How was he pissing you off?" Spain asked. Maybe he's pissed off from Veneziano yelling at him? Maybe he could find out what was going on when heard them from the hallway.

"He was fucking yelling at me about… dumb shit…" the last part Romano muttered under his breath. He sounded… hurt?

"Romano… what was he yelling about?" Spain felt compelled to ask. If it had Romano coming to him- the man he only said a few words to, only to have sex- with watery eyes and a hurt expression, it must have been really low of the younger brother. Romano rarely showed even an a tiny bit of emotion to anyone, including Spain when they were still close.

"It's none of your fucking business!" Romano said, suddenly getting defensive. He then growled out, "I only came here to blow off steam."

Now Spain understood. He didn't come here to talk.

He was suddenly shoved roughly onto his bed, with an Italian on top of him. Romano was against his lips, unbuttoning his own shirt. The Spaniard was frozen until his mind caught up with what was happening. He kissed back, holding Romano's hips. The Italian removed his shirt and tossed it to the side. Spain's mind began to become foggy. But what Prussia said kept popping up despite the fogginess.

"_How many times are you going to let Romano do this to you?"_

Was he serious? Did Spain really have a choice in the matter? Even once Romano had become tired of Spain and decided to move on, Spain would still love him. His friends were right. There wasn't a mutual agreement that there was no love involved. There never could be. But Spain was in too deep to just stop and reject the Southern Italian, no matter how much it hurt the next morning.

"Bastard, pay attention." Romano said, glaring. Spain snapped out of his thoughts to see Romano in only his boxers and his own shirt unbuttoned. When had that happened?

"Lo siento…" Antonio muttered. Romano's scowl deepened. But for a split second Spain saw something flash across his eyes. Could it be… hurt? Maybe he was thinking about what happened with him and his brother? That must be it, why else would he be hurt?

"Whatever, just shut up." Romano shot back.

No more words were exchanged as they removed the rest of their clothing. But, Romano did yelp in surprise as Spain switched their positions to where he was on top. Spain began kissing and sucking on Romano's neck.

"Be careful this time bastard. You left a mark from last night." muttered the Italian, gesturing to the bruise on the juncture between his neck and shoulder. Spain hid the small smile that began to form on his lips. He pulled out the lubricant from the drawer in the table next to the bed and poured some into his hand. Once getting a reasonable amount on three fingers he began to circle the first one around Romano's entrance.

"H-Hurry up…" Romano whined. He was being a lot more talkative than usual tonight. Spain wondered why. It was probably because he was upset. He tended to talk more- or yell- when he was bothered by something.

Spain pushed one finger in. He wouldn't have to wait long before adding another finger. When he added the second he began scissoring his fingers before adding the third. He immediately found Romano's pleasure spot, since he had learned to memorize where it was from their many sexual encounters together. Romano threw his head back and gave a throaty moan.

"F-Fuck it, Bastard, j-just fuck me already!" he cried out, and of course, Spain obliged.

Romano bit onto Spain's shoulder as the man thrusted in and out. Spain could feel Romano's nails clawing into his back. The Italian grinded his hips against the Spaniard's, moaning every time his prostate was hit. He grunted and began to thrust back. Spain continued to slam into the Italian, thinking about how he'd have to pay for the holes in the wall they were making from the bed frame constantly hitting it. Hopefully, the hotel wouldn't ask any questions. They would just give a knowing smile and let him pay. They would probably think he was either with a lover or was just getting a good fuck. He really wished either of those were the cases. He wish he could rid of these feelings and this could just be a casual fuck. The unrequited love between them killed Spain every time he thought about it. Which was practically all the time.

Why couldn't this be like having sex with anyone else? Why did it have to have so much meaning for Spain?

Because it was Romano.

"Aah~!" The Italian was getting close to finishing. They're time together was almost over. But Spain would do everything in his power to stay up after the Italian and finally get a chance to hold him.

"A-" Romano gasped. Spain was about to get his hopes up, but stopped himself. It was always like this. He needed to learn that Romano would never say his na-

"An- _Antonio_!" Romano cried out, arching his back. Spain stopped in his thrusts. Realization began to dawn on him.

No. No, that didn't really happen… it was completely impossible.

Romano, once he came down from his high, looked at the Spaniard questioningly. Until slowly realization and horror washed over his face. Spain was about to say something, before he was pushed away harshly, and Romano quickly slid off the bed.

"I… I can't… I shouldn't be here… I-I'm sorry." Romano said, getting dress, as a tear slid down his face. Spain was too shocked to even say anything to stop him as the Italian ran out the door slamming it in the process.

This wasn't how it EVER was. This… was completely new.

XxXxX

Hey guys! So be completely honest. Did any of you kind of hate Romano at the end of chapter one? And how many of you think Spain is an idiot right now? Show of hands!

So, I have this fat, declawed, inside cat named Stormi. Apparently she does not like Spamano. EVERY TIME I would work on this story… she. Would. KNOW. She would come in and sit on the keyboard, sit on my arm, or just lay right in front of my laptop. And I'm like: da fuck Stormi? What do you have against Spamano? And she's like: screw Spamano! I wanna see some Framano up in this bitch! And I'm like: No Stormie! D: I already wrote a Framano rape. And She's like: Rape never counts! And besides that was only chapter 1!

So yeah I have to lock my cat outside of my room when I write.

And yes, I totally have conversations with my cat and she totally talks like that.

I have problems.


	3. Chapter 3

Before I begin I would like to say to those who were excited about me actually continuing this: I was planning on making this more than one chapter from the moment I thought of it XD I could never leave it with that! But I'm glad you guys are happy there's more :)

Now this chapter is from Romano's point of view! So we get to see both sides of the story. Enjoy!

XxXxX

As soon as the Italian reached his hotel room he collapsed on the bed, curled up, and began to cry. It was all over now. This… distorted "relationship" they had gotten into. He should've listened to his brother. One of the few times Feliciano didn't act like an idiot and had a logical, reasonable mind, and Romano didn't listen. He should've never gone back for more in the first place. Hell, he should've never had done it the first time…

But how was Romano suppose to know it would happen? Spain and Romano had gone out for drinks together before. Of course one of the bad friends trio was suppose to remain sober in the first place to keep the four of them from doing too stupid of shit. But, once Prussia announced a drinking contest that went down the drain. Romano didn't participate but he was already tipsy and wasn't going to stop drinking any time soon. Why would they even accept Prussia's challenge? They all knew the Prussian would drink them all under the table. But that wasn't the whole problem. The problem was when France decided to take some girl back to his hotel room and Prussia went to call some guy named Cambodia, or Canadia, or whatever to come get him. Leaving Spain and Romano to get back to the hotel they were staying at for the world meeting on their own. Leaning on each other for support, they began their walk back. Both singing and laughing while stumbling. Romano became a completely different person while drunk and would feel like dying of embarrassment the next day, because no matter how much he drank he would always remember at least most of what happened while he was drunk. Spain on the other hand, everything would be a complete blur. At least Romano could take comfort in the fact that Spain would forget all about this.

"Hahaaa~ Lovi, your face is soooo red! Like a tomato!~" Spain sang out gleefully. Romano couldn't contain his laughter and exploded into a fit of giggles in which Spain joined in.

"Your face is red too Toni! Don't throw rocks when you live in a glass-" Romano stopped suddenly, noticing a green and red sign. "Holy fuck! Is that an Italian restaurant in Hungary?! Toni we need to go there!"

Spain only laughed some more in response and said, "Oh, Lovi, your so cute!" and hugged the Italian from behind. "But I want to go back to my hotel room…" He slurred in Romano's ear, pulling him tighter.

"Fine, but we better go there tomorrow!" he said, grabbing Spain's hand and continuing to walk back to the hotel.

XxXxX

When they got to Spain's room, the man begged Romano to sleep in his room for the night. It was just like him, never one to leave Romano vulnerable what with Turkey, England, and France being in the same building. Although France was probably busy with the random girl he picked up at the bar. Romano finally agreed and made himself at home. His reserved personality thrown out the window while being intoxicated, he began stripping for bed. Spain stared blankly at the Italian until the younger turned to look at him.

"What?" he demanded, as if stripping in front of his former guardian was completely normal.

Spain slowly walked up to him and wrapped his arms around the Italian's waist. He pressed a chaste kiss to his neck. "You're so sexy~" Spain whispered before their lips met.

After that they spent their night tangled together in a sweaty lust filled mess. Romano cried out in pain when the Spaniard entered him. He remembered later on muttering about how ironic it was that he was losing his virginity to Spain in the country of Hungary. The sex wasn't very good since they were drunk out of their minds and Romano was inexperienced. But he couldn't think of a better person to lose it too. But what made this experience better and worse at the same time was what Spain muttered as he finished.

"I love you, Lovi…" Romano knew it was the alcohol talking. He knew Spain wouldn't even remember saying it the next day. But at that moment, he felt the happiest he had ever felt in his life.

It didn't take long after that for them both to fall asleep. The morning after was awkward, they both woke in each others arms. One had no idea how he got there. The other was too embarrassed to say a word. They got dressed silently, avoiding eye contact with each other. It wasn't until they were both dressed when they finally looked at each other.

What had they done?

They both knew exactly what had happened. They were drunk. They had sex. The hickeys and Romano's limp told Spain that much. They finally had to look away. This had been a mistake. Romano knew that much when he sneaked a look at Spain. Although, Romano didn't regret a damn thing. He knew Spain regretted it. It was confirmed by what the Spaniard finally said.

"It doesn't have to mean anything…" he muttered. Refusing to let Romano see his face. The Italian felt his heart break. But he agreed, and silently left.

XxXxX

The memory make Romano have to choke back more tears. He should've moved on. He knew Spain had. Spain probably had other lovers. He was probably laughing to them about how Romano had cried out his name. Would Spain really do that? Why wouldn't he? It's not like he cared anymore. He was always detached.

He never said Romano's name. He never held Romano after they were finished. He didn't even look him in the eyes. Romano was stronger than this… he didn't need Spain. There was only a few more days left before he could go back to his country. All he needed to do was avoid Spain for those last few days and he would be free. Hopefully he could get over him before the next meeting, and everything would be okay...

But why was his chest tightening at the thought of getting over the Spaniard?

Maybe it was because he was head over heals in love with him. He was selfish and didn't want to share. He saved himself for only Spain to use. Spain is and will always be the only one he's ever been with. He was in too deep to be able to stop. Spain had Romano wrapped around his finger and he didn't even know it. No, he did know. He knew from day one. Romano would always be there. Ready to give himself to the Spaniard. Even if his love was unrequited, he would still let Antonio have him. Because he loved him. He loved him so much it hurt. It hurt not to have Spain love him back, but the thought of NOT having Spain in some way, shape, or form, hurt worse.

He could never get over Spain. But he would have to build up his walls again. They can start over next months world meeting. But for now, Romano needed space.

XxXxX

That proved to be harder than the Italian thought. It had only been two days, and Romano was already about to break down. It didn't help that Spain was relentless on trying to talk to him. He was constantly texting, calling, or just trying to get his attention before and after meetings. Romano would have to come late the meetings and run out the second it was over. He'd do anything just to avoid him for the rest of the week. He knew Spain would want to talk about what happened the other night. Which would just lead to Romano being rejected and being even more heart broken than he was now.

He lied in bed that night. Thinking about everything. His childhood, his independence, finally talking to Spain again, practically living at his house, that drunken night, and then the situation he was in now. Now that he thought about it, besides the messes his brother got him into his life mostly revolved around the Spaniard.

_CRASH_

…Oh shit…

Was that… _thunder?_

Romano suddenly saw a flash of light through the blinds of the window, followed by another _CRASH. _He froze, his heart began to pound wildly in his chest. Why tonight of all nights? Ever since the night Feliciano and him got into an argument his brother decided to sleep in Germany's room. Leaving Romano by himself. He began to shake, wondering why God hated him. Was it for the premarital gay sex? He was sorry! But, besides that he was a good Catholic! He went to church every Sunday (for the most part). Damn, this reminded him of when he was still a colony, Spain would always let him sleep in his bed. Now he had to endure this alone because he was an idiot.

All of a sudden the door swung open, a figure stood in the door way. _'Oh fuck! I'm gonna fucking die!' _He cried out in his mind, throwing the cover over his head.

"Fratello?" Came a small voice. Feliciano? Romano peeked over the covers to confirm it was in fact his brother.

"F-Feliciano? W-Why are you here…?" Romano questioned. Feliciano looked down at the floor for a moment before looking back up at him and began to speak.

"I… I was um… afraid… the lightning… scared me…" his brother was a horrible liar. They both knew Romano was the one who was afraid of thunder and lightning. Feliciano was afraid of pretty much anything, even his shadow. But surprisingly was never afraid of the one thing his older brother was afraid of. But Feli realized over time that even though Romano was deathly afraid, he would never admit it and try to act brave. So the younger brother learned that the only way to comfort Romano was to pretend he himself was afraid and have his older brother "protect" him. The Southern Italian had always appreciated how his brother would do this things to make him feel stronger. Even though Romano would throw curses and insults at Feliciano they both knew the other loved them.

Romano gestured for his brother to come to bed. The other smiled and got in. This was their way of calling a truce. They clung together as the storm raged outside, and Romano had temporarily forgotten this sucky mess he had gotten himself into. Until Feliciano decided to remind him.

"You went back to him…" Feliciano had left shortly after Romano when they had had their fight. Feliciano's words during the fight rang through his head. The rare sight of Feliciano's angry face, shouting in their native language.

"_Why do you keep going back?! Do you know how much it kills me to hear you trying to sneak back in, in the middle of the night, choking on your tears?! DO YOU?!"_

He had no idea his brother was awake when he snuck back in. Apparently, his brother would stay awake, waiting for him.

"Si… I did…" Romano whispered. He knew Feliciano was done yelling at him. The Northern Italian had a somber expression. If only his eyes would match. Because, the emotions they held, killed Romano. It was like a close friend had died. It hurt both of them, they felt each others pain. Physical and emotional. Romano knew when Feliciano had been hurt by Germany, whether he had yelled at the Italian, ignored him, not taken him seriously. Feliciano knew when Romano had been hurt by Spain. When he was being used, and the fact that Spain never talked to him anymore.

"Lovino…" Romano looked up shocked. Feliciano rarely used his older brother's name. It was either Romano or fratello. "You really love big brother Spain…"

They both knew that, but it had never been said out loud.

"…yeah… I do…" Romano admitted. It felt as if a weight had been lifted, to finally admit it out loud. He was finally really being honest with himself. But another pain filled his chest.

Spain had no idea…

At the moment, Romano didn't care if Spain would reject him. He needed to know. He needed to know now. The Southern Italian's eyes widened in realization. He needed to go to Spain. Right now.

"Fratello, I-"

"Go." Felicano said with a knowing smile. The older Italian didn't need to be told twice. He pulled on the pants he threw on the floor from wearing that day, and the button up shirt. He went to the door, not bothering to put on shoes. He was about to leave until a loud crash of lightning made him freeze.

This was a bad idea.

"Run to him, fratello." Feliciano demanded. Suddenly, Romano got a burst of courage. He swung open the door and ran. Ran to the Spaniard for possibly the last time.

XxXxX

We finally know what's going on in both their heads! Hopefully you guys like Romano much better now. I'd say their both idiots but you should still feel sorry for them… maybe…


	4. Chapter 4

I'M SO SORRY! I got so many PM's telling me to update that I began to feel so bad. D:

Senior year is making this difficult! I thought senior year was suppose to be the easiest year, but I've been getting so much homework every night that I don't have much time for other things, and slight writers block. I mean, I know what I want to happen chapter to chapter. I can come up with a story in less than an hour and can come up with the main points but it's only the outline though. I have trouble leading up to those points. Which is the reason for delayed chapters. Again, I AM SO SORRY!

XxXxX

The pounding of his heart was deafening, from both anxiety and fear. The storm raging outside only made things worse. It kind of reminded Romano of when he was still a colony, running to Spain's room to sleep with him because he was afraid. Although he would never admit it. He was never one to wear his heart on his sleeve, the people who took the time to understand him knew that. Spain knew that better than anyone else. So why couldn't he see that Romano was hurting all that time? Why couldn't he see how much the Southern Italian loved him? Maybe he always knew but chose not to say anything. That thought scared Romano most of all. The thought that Spain only wanted his body, he didn't stop Romano the other day because he didn't want to. He had nothing to say to his former colony. What if he thought of someone else while they had sex?

….Like Romano's brother… Why wouldn't he think of his brother..? Anyone else would.

'_Stop it.' _The smarter more courageous voice in his head told him. _'You're just trying to find reasons not to tell him.'_

Well who wouldn't be trying to find reasons not to tell the person they were in love with their feelings? It's not like Spain ever did anything to make Romano think he shared even an inkling of love towards the Southern Italian that the Romano did for him. But then again… Spain wasn't very perceptive.

What if… Spain was experiencing the exact same thing as Romano…?

The Italian stopped. That couldn't be… could it? What if, all this time they were just running in circles? Was it possible that this love wasn't unrequited? No, it couldn't be true… one of them had to have noticed at some point. Spain was the country of passion, Italy was the country of romance. There was no way neither of them never caught on to what could've been right in front of them. But why was Romano doubting that? Wasn't this what was secretly driving Romano to confessing his love? There was no way he would go into a situation knowing he would get his heart broken. This was why he pushed people away to begin with, he learned this from his childhood years.

But that was before he met Spain.

Spain had always been different. He never gave up on trying to know the real Romano. True, in the beginning he DID try to exchange him for his younger brother. That was when Romano thought he would be just like everyone else. But then after the run in with Turkey, Spain had some how caught Romano off guard. He had saved the colony he had supposedly not wanted, causing said colony to temporarily swallow his pride and thank his "boss". It was then Spain realized that there was more to Romano that meets the eye. He then realized that Romano was hiding. Hiding behind a tough exterior. And ever since that day to the day he had to go back to Austria's house, the Spaniard never stopped trying to get the Italian to lower his defenses.

And even after that fateful night that changed their relationship forever, Spain was still more special to the Italian than anyone else. What if all this time, Romano was special to Spain too? But if that was true then why did Spain say it didn't have to mean anything? Maybe for once Romano had a reason to be negative, Spain feeling something for Romano was just wishful thinking. But despite that, Romano continued walking, slowly but surely to Spain's door. It was just down the hall, but the walk seemed to go by slowly and too quickly at the same time. Before he knew it, he was in front of his old care taker's door. A loud crash of lightning resounded through out the hall, causing Romano to freeze up again.

'_Damn it, of all times why now?!' _The Southern Italian thought to himself. Maybe this was a sign, maybe it was God or mother nature telling him he wasn't meant to tell Spain this. Not tonight, not ever. They aren't meant to be. What was Romano thinking? Waltzing up to his sex buddy's door in the middle of the night, confessing his feelings and thinking maybe, just maybe Spain would feel the same way too? Stupid. Romano was just stupid. This was a horrible idea. Romano needed to just turn around and go back. Feliciano hopefully wouldn't be too mad.

But just when he was able to move and was about to turn around to leave, the door swung open and out came the Spaniard looking like he was about to rush to get somewhere. The Spaniard stopped before running into the Southern Italian and stared for a second, confused and shocked.

"…Romano…?"

XxXxX

He was back here again. In Spain's hotel room, with said Spaniard looking at him with questioning eyes. But this time, he was really going to tell him… maybe… no, he would tell him. This had gone on long enough, Romano should have been honest with Spain from the very beginning, really. But it was too late to change that now. Romano opened his mouth to speak, but nothing would come out. He chose to close it and try to rebuild the courage he felt when he left his hotel room.

"Romano? Are you okay…? What were you doing out in the halls during this storm?" Spain asked. Romano felt something in his words. Spain did care for Romano even after all this. He knew Romano was afraid of storms. But why was he about to run out of his room? Was there somewhere he needed to be?

Suddenly dread filled Romano… was Spain going to one of his other lovers…? It made sense. Why else would Spain be leaving his hotel room at this time?

"Romano?"

Who were Spain's other lovers? Were they France and Prussia? They were called the bad touch trio after all. What if it was England? No way. It would never be England. What about Belgium? They were close, but they were like brother and sister. But what about Mexico? Mexico was Spain's colony too. What if Spain had some creepy kink for colonies he raised? But Mexico was too busy trying to invade Texas to waste his time with Spain.

"Roma?"

Those were all the people really close enough to Spain. But then again, it would be harder to just be sex buddies with people who were close to you, right? But Spain and Romano were close. Before all this, Spain hung out with Romano every chance he got. Their friendship was never a lie, so why would they allow this to happen?

"Lovino!"

Romano's head shot up, and he looked at Spain, shocked. He felt as if his heart had stopped for a moment, then began pounding ten times faster than it had been before.

"…W-What did you just call me?" the Southern Italian questioned. He could see Spain's eyes widen in realization, before looking away.

"I-I'm sorry… I meant Ro-"

"Please don't call me Romano." Spain turned his head towards his former charge so quickly Romano wondered how he didn't get whiplash.

"Que?" the Spaniard questioned. It was Romano's turn to look away. He could feel the tears pricking his eyes.

"I… I said… c-call me… Lovino… th-that's what you use to c-call me… right? And that s-stupid nickname too…"

"Lo… Romano… I.. I don't understand what's going on…" Spain said, confused and slightly worried. Why did Romano want Spain to suddenly use his human name? Ever since they began this strange habit Romano had never called Spain by his human name. Until a few nights ago… Spain was so confused by all of this. When Romano had said Spain's human name, it had given the Spaniard hope. Maybe, just maybe, the Southern Italian loved him back. But then he avoided him for days afterwards, making Spain think Romano was ashamed and regretted that moment of weakness. But then, what is all this? Why was Romano in front of his door? Why did he look so crushed when Spain didn't call him by his human name?

Romano's eyes began to water, tears were threatening to spill out. He had to leave before he made more of a fool of himself. He knew it was a mistake to come here. Why did he think any good would come out of this? If anything, he had only made things worse.

As if Spain would actually love him.

"Never mind… it's not important and I didn't mean it. I really don't care either way." Romano said, getting up from the bed and walking past Spain to the door.

Spain watched as Romano's shoulders dropped. As the Southern Italian got up to leave a thousand questions began to go through the Spaniards head. What was wrong with him? Why did he want Spain to call him by his human name? Was Spain being slow to catch onto something? But then another question popped into his head.

Why was he letting Romano go?

"You're lying." Spain said, surprising himself. Romano froze in the doorway. He turned to face Spain with confusion, slight shock, and a hint of hope written on his face.

"W-What?" he stuttered, struggling to process.

"You're lying… what were you doing in front of my door?" the Spaniard asked. The air tensed, as Romano put his guard up. He scowled before answering.

"No reason, it doesn't matter." his tone pretty much told the Spain not to ask any more questions but he ignored it.

"But it does matter, why were you in front of my door?" he demanded. Romano's glare became harsher as his hands balled into fists. This was never a good sign.

"God, you're so annoying! I just got lost! That's all! Don't think you're special!" Romano's voice began to rise. This is it, they were about to get into a fight. They had been holding in their emotions for too long. This was their breaking point.

"Why do you keep lying?!" Spain shouted. "Why is it so hard for you to tell me the truth?!"

"BECAUSE I LOVE YOU!" Romano yelled. His hand shot up to his mouth, not out of shock, but to hold his sobbing in. He had finally been broken open. It was all over now. He tried to blink back his tears, but it only made them worse. They rolled down his face as sobs wracked his body. He didn't dare look up, he continued to stare at the floor. The room had gone quiet minus the sounds of Romano crying.

Spain stood there silently, his brain slowly trying to catch up. He had began to stop thinking was he had shouted at his former colony, but the confession snapped it back to reality. Suddenly, everything began to register.

Romano had just told him that he loves him.

Joy began to burst in Spain's chest, and although Romano was crying at the moment, Spain couldn't help but to smile like an idiot. He felt like crying too but for a completely different reason. But he began to also realize that Romano was crying because he thought Spain didn't feel the same way. He briskly walked to the Southern Italian and threw his arms around him. Romano stiffened, but this caused Spain just to hold him tighter. Romano began to struggle to get out of Spain's grip.

"L-Let go of me!" he cried, more tears slipping down his face. But Spain wasn't letting go.

"No." Spain responded. Romano stopped fighting, instead choosing to wrap his arms around the Spaniard, burying his face in the mans chest. Spain waited for Romano to calm down before finally making a response.

"You know… we're both idiots…" he said smiling lightly. "So slow to catch on to what the other is feeling. Not being able to see it what's right in front of us… I never wanted to push you away that first time Romano… I may not be able to remember the night, but I remember waking up to see fear in your eyes. I misinterpreted that fear. I thought… I thought you had regretted everything…"

Romano finally looked up at him. Spain thought Romano regretted sleeping with him? But even after that they still slept together. As if Spain read his mind he continued.

"And yet, after that we still had sex every time there was a meeting. I began to think I was just someone who you could always come to if you weren't able to sleep with anyone else… I'm sorry. I can't believe I thought of you that way."

Romano's eyes widened.

"Wait… you mean you thought I was sleeping with other people…?" the Southern Italian asked.

"Si, I'm really sorry Roma. It was wrong of me to think that..."

"Oh God…" he began to laugh. This was ridiculous, they were ridiculous. Spain looked at him confusion and fear etched across his face. Romano continued. "I thought YOU were sleeping with other people!"

Spain looked surprised, but quickly broke into a grin. They began laughing at their idiocy, until Spain broke the fit of laughter by cupping the side of Romano's face with his right hand. The smile was so bright, his eyes were so loving that Romano felt an all around warmness. Spain's lips were right up against Romano's. The Italian could feel Spain's warm breath on his lips as he whispered:

"I love you, Lovi."

This kiss. It was the best kiss they had ever shared. Because, they both now knew it wasn't an empty kiss. They both moaned into each other's mouths as their tongues wrapped around each other. Romano felt the bed come up to meet him, with Spain on top. He wanted Spain. More than ever, now that he knew he could have all of him. He wished he knew how Spain felt before all of this mess, that they had confessed their feelings before that fateful night and could have already been a couple. But, he couldn't find it in himself to be upset about it at the moment, as Spain began kissing down his neck. He began to unbutton Romano's shirt. He was two buttons down before he stopped, he looked up at Romano. They shared eye contact before Spain leant down and kissed the Italian once more.

"Lovino, let me love you.." the Spaniard murmured against his lips. Romano shivered in pleasure and nodded. That was all Spain needed to continue unbuttoning his shirt. Romano lifted himself up slightly to help Spain take the shirt the rest of the way off, to throw somewhere in the room. Once the shirt was off Spain continued his bites, down to Romano's chest. The Italian began to shiver in pleasure and fear. Their casual fucks weren't a big deal compared to making love. Perhaps, if someone were to look at it one way they had been technically making love the whole time. But Romano didn't see it that way. This was completely different, and he was afraid. Millions of what if scenarios were racing through his head. What if Spain realized being in a relationship with Romano wasn't that great? Realized he was too mean, too stuck up, just too messed up to be with? What if he wasn't satisfied by their making love? _What if he was lying and saying he loved Romano to make him feel better?_

Spain's eyes held concern as he rubbed his thumb over Romano's cheek. The Southern Italian realized he had started crying. The Spaniard gave a small warm smile before he began kissing Romano's tears away. There was no reason to be scared. Spain loved him, had loved him all along, from the very beginning. His love wasn't unrequited in the slightest. They were finally being honest with themselves and each other. This was completely different, but not bad or unwelcome. Romano wrapped his arms around Spain and pulled him down for a kiss. The kisses were all equally as loving. Or maybe they had always been that way and Romano just hadn't noticed.

Romano helped Spain rid of his shirt, before the Spaniard dove in for Romano's pants. The Italian got even more nervous. It was like it was his first time again. But this was much better than the actual first time, considering they were both extremely inebriated. But if he started shivering even more than he already was Spain might think Romano didn't actually want to do this. And he did. He definitely did, more than anything. He tried to calm himself down, he was usually in control of these things. Hell, he initiated it practically every time. Why is it knowing that Spain actually loves him back makes him feel intimidated?

"Lovi..? Are you okay?" the Spaniard asked for the second time that night. Romano looked into his eyes, there was so much love that he couldn't believe he hadn't noticed before this night. He could never lie to Spain, not again.

"I'm scared…" the Italian whispered. It was quiet for a moment. There wasn't even a storm to break the silence. It must have already passed. A few seconds passed before Spain broke into a smile again. Before Romano could question it, he was tackled to the bed. Spain had his arms wrapped around him and had his face nuzzling the Italian's neck. "S-Spain! W-what the hell?" Romano cried, but Spain ignored his question choosing instead to laugh. Why was he laughing?!

"Stop laughing at me bastard!"

"Sorry Lovi," Spain said, giggling to himself. Only he could giggle and still not look girly. "I'm just surprised you haven't noticed how scared I am too."

"W-what? Well you sure don't act scared!" Spain decided to prove his point by holding out one of his hands. Sure enough, it was shaking.

"Only you make me this afraid." Spain said chuckling. Apparently he also likes to laugh when he's nervous. Romano looked at the shaky hand before bringing up his own and intertwining their fingers. He lifted himself up to meet Spain's lips, Spain got the message and met him half way. For some reason, knowing Spain was nervous as well made Romano feel much better. Spain continued to pull his pants off. Apparently Romano's pants were half off when Spain embraced him. Well that was kind of weird to say the least. Spain began kissing up Romano's leg, leaving bite marks in random places. Well, Romano couldn't wear shorts for a while. That's a shame, seeing as how it was summer and he lived in South Italy. Romano began to relax slightly, losing himself in the amazing pleasure. Until all of a sudden he felt something warm and wet through his boxers. He gasped and looked down to see Spain's mouth on him.

"A-Anto- Ahhh…" Romano managed to moan out as Spain licked him through his boxers. They had never done this before. He had never had this happen to him. Spain looked up at him and winked, causing the Italian to let out another moan. Spain pulled Romano's boxers down to reveal Romano's already weeping member. Spain took the member with his hand and began pumping. He began licking the underside of the base. Romano bit his lip, trying to keep himself from making any noise. But as Spain swirled his tongue around the tip the Italian couldn't hold in his pleasure any longer. He could feel the Spaniard smirking against him as he let out a loud groan. Blow jobs just wasn't something they did. It would just be a quick screw and then fall asleep/sneak out. Why hadn't they done this before? It was amazing!

He felt himself hit the back of Spain's throat. He carded his fingers through the Spaniard chocolate locks as he thrusted into his mouth. He wasn't lasting long, he just wasn't use to this. He was so close to coming, until Spain released him. He gasped as cold air hit him. To say he was pissed would be an understatement. He was about to yell but the Spaniard suddenly on top of him shoving his tongue in his mouth was making it very difficult. Out of the corner of his eye he could see Spain reaching over to the tables drawers and pulling out a bottle. He immediately recognized it as lubricant. Spain began warming the bottle in his hands before pouring it onto three of his fingers. Romano spread his legs in anticipation. Spain kissed him once more before slipping in a finger. The sensation would never stop feeling slightly odd to him no matter how many times. But, despite that it felt nice at the same time, although that could be the fact that it was Spain doing this to him that made it feel so good. They usually didn't take long to prepare. They usually just got right to it, but tonight they wanted to take their time and enjoy this. Savor the intimacy.

Spain nuzzled Romano's neck, pressing kisses to it as he added a second finger and began a scissoring motion. Romano was happy he added another finger. One just didn't do it for him. Spain looked up at him. They both stared into each other's eyes before a playful smirk spread over the Italian's face. He leaned forward till their faces were centimeters apart. Romano's tongue came out and did a slow, agonizing sweep across the Spaniards lips. Spain shivered in pleasure and leaned forward to try and capture that tongue, only to be in vain as Romano leaned back just out of reach, same playful smirk still on his face. Spain let out a possessive growl and gripped the back of Romano's head by the hair and pressed their lips together. Romano moaned into his mouth and while he was distracted Spain slipped in the third finger, stretching his lover's entrance. They pulled back to breath, their lips connected by a string of saliva. While catching his breath Spain got the chance to really admire his blushing Italian. He stared into those hazel eyes. He was never really sure what color they were. They could be golden one minute then change to a beautiful green or brown, and then sometimes his eyes were all three and he would just get lost in them. Then there was his perfectly shaped nose and chin, with perfectly plump cherry lips, his smooth skin was tanned with an olive tone to it, this beautiful face was framed by soft mahogany colored hair with a cute rebellious curl jutting out on the right. Spain never understood how Romano couldn't see how perfect he was.

Spain couldn't take this any longer. He pulled his fingers out, earning a whine from the Southern Italian. He undid his pants and pulled them down along with his boxers. He took the lube and poured it onto his hand rubbing it onto his erection. He got back on top of Romano, the Italian understood what was coming and wrapped his arms around Spain's neck and his legs around his waist. They met half way sharing a chaste kiss.

"Are you ready, Lovi?" Spain asked.

"I-Idiot… I've been ready for this for a very long time…" the Italian reassured. Spain smiled as he grabbed Romano's hips and positioned himself. He pushed all the way in, moaning at the heat and tightness. Romano gasped in pleasure and grinded himself against Spain's hips, causing another growl to come from said Spaniard. He pulled almost completely out before thrusting back in, hitting Romano's pleasure spot. He started off slow before getting a rhythm going. Romano ran his nails down Spain's back while snapping up his hips to meet his former boss'. He moaned as Spain repeatedly hit his prostate. He never understood how Spain could do that. He had this ability to hit the perfect place non stop with out fail. Although seeing how long they had been doing this, he probably had more than enough time to memorize it. He threw his head back and moaned. This felt amazing, and he could finally express that with out feeling like he was breaking a rule. Spain didn't think he could get even more turned on than he was now. Romano had never been this vocal before. He could feel the Italian's nails digging into his back, which only caused him to go deeper, harder, and faster. By the way Spain was gripping Romano's hips he knew he would leave bruises. He raised one of his hands to Romano's lower back to support the Italian as he arched his back off the mattress. Spain felt Romano's fingers going through his hair and then suddenly grab onto his locks as he felt Romano tighten around him.

"_Ah! _Antonio!" He cried out as he came hard onto their chests. The involuntary squeeze caused Spain to cum after a few more thrusts.

"_Lovino…_" Spain groaned as he came. He collapsed on his side as to not crush Romano. They laid there, catching their breath. Spain felt his eye lids droop in exhaustion. But before he let himself fall asleep, he held out his arms as an invitation. Romano, after a bit of hesitation scooted over and allowed himself to be held by the Spaniard and might have held him back as well. Spain grabbed the covers and pulled them over the pair before holding the Italian closer as they both fell asleep.

XxXxX

Spain still half asleep, reached to the other side of the bed to find his bedmate. Only to feel nothing but cold sheets. His eyes shot open and he sat up looking around to find none of Romano's clothes or Romano himself in sight. He could feel tears well up in his eyes. Romano left. He snuck out in the middle of the night, again. Just like always. Why had Spain thought this would be different? Romano held no feelings for him. But, why would he come to Spain's room in the middle of the night confessing? To screw with Spain's emotions? Spain felt a tear slide down his cheek, as he heard his room door unlock and swing open. He looked over to see his Italian walk through the door carrying two cups of coffee. Romano froze as he noticed his Spanish partner awake and looking like he was about to cry.

"U-Um… you were out of coffee mix, so I went down stairs to brew some…" he muttered awkwardly, setting down the cups on the table and walking over to the bed. "W-What's wrong, Toni?" the confusion and worry obvious in his voice.

"I…" Spain looked away, embarrassed. "I thought… you had left…" he muttered, expecting to get yelled at. He should have more faith in Romano not to mess with his emotions, but with the way they had been before last night could you really blame him?

Spain felt a soft hand on his face, wiping away the stray tear as he looked back at Romano. Their lips met in a warm kiss, as Romano wrapped his arms around Spain's neck pulling him closer. When they separated, their foreheads stayed pressed together.

"I'm not ever going to leave again, Spain." he promised. But Spain knew that after the meeting they would have to leave each other again until next meeting.

"If you really mean that… then come to Spain with me." Antonio said. Romano looked surprised, but the Spaniard was quickly met with a warm smile. He wouldn't mind trying to see that smile more often.

"I guess I'm going to have to, you're not going to get rid of me that easily." The Italian said slyly.

"I don't ever plan to." The Spaniard said with a smile.

XxXxX

I feel so happy and so sad that this story is now over…

Are you guys satisfied with this ending? Or do you feel it wasn't enough? Be honest.

But either way, thank you for your support and patience and for some of you, threats to finish the story. I couldn't have done it with out all of you! Te amo mucho!


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